Issue #98: I Don't Regret My Divorce, But I Do Regret This Part of It
The hardest part of my split.
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📚 Nothing Special by Nicole Flattery: When we meet Mae in 2010, it’s been years since she worked for Andy Warhol, barely seventeen, typing his experimental book A Novel. In this strange and mythologized slice of New York, Mae befriends another teenager, Shelley, who becomes her confidante and frenemy as she explores her newfound independence, sexuality, and purpose. The novel, out today, reads like a contemplative Sally Rooney book set against a surreal and fame-obsessed New York. (If this rec sounds familiar, it may be because I also talked about it on this episode of the “Bad on Paper” podcast!)
🎥 ‘Joy Ride’ Movie: This movie, which came out this past Friday, stars Ashley Park as Audrey, a Chinese American business woman who enlists her best friend Lolo in a work trip to China, to serve as her translator since Audrey’s boss believes she speaks Mandarin. When they invite an eccentric cousin and college friend, who is now a Chinese soap opera star, the international journey takes a turn toward Girls Trip or The Hangover. Raunchy, hilarious, and a fun summer movie with a perfect cast—saw it as a solo date after a long day of classes last night, but recommend going with friends!
🎧 “The Retrievals” Podcast: At the Yale Fertility Center, women experience excruciating pain during their egg retrievals, yet when they complain about their intense pain during and after the procedure, their complaints (no surprise here) fail to be taken seriously. Come to find out, a nurse had been stealing the fentanyl meant to treat their pain and replacing it with saline, meaning the women had been undergoing a surgical procedure without any pain management. The first two episodes are out now, and tell a disturbing story of the ways in which women’s pain isn’t taken seriously and is still seen as little more than hysteria. Eagerly awaiting the next episode. You can listen anywhere podcasts are available or without ads on
my beloved the NYT audio app.
Life has been especially sweet lately. I just returned from a week of camping that ended with two days of Dead and Co. shows at The Gorge in Washington, recently began dating, and have never felt so sure of myself or the direction I’m heading in. It’s a huge shift from where I was exactly a year ago, living in an Airbnb, alone for the first time in my life. Still, divorce is far from linear, and there are days when all I can do is sit in a cloud of grief and (yes) regret. Below is an account of one of those days…
“You were right.”
I had been waiting for my husband to admit that our separation was the right thing to do since I initiated it last August. It would mean that he was okay and I wasn’t crazy. You were right, I heard him say through my phone’s speakers as I sat parked down the block from a dinner date. I expected relief, but instead was met with a wave of grief and a tightness in my chest that felt a lot like regret.