Issue #220: Reflections from My First 9 Days Alone... Literally Ever

🎥 And a vlog of my experience!

🎥 ‘Loveable,’ available to rent: This slow-moving Norwegian film, recently made available to rent, takes place in three distinct chapters—a rom-com meet-cute, followed by a divorce drama, and finally self-reflective piece on trauma.It’s ‘The Worst Person in the World’ meets ‘Marriage Story,’ I really enjoyed it! I’m also curious to watch ‘Die My Love’ after listening to Jennifer Lawrence’s interview here!

💿 ‘West End Girl’ by Lily Allen: I know, I know I’m wildly late to the game. The internet has fully moved in, but I’m obsessed with this album about Allen’s husband’s infidelity, and her own desperation, then healing. Listen to it all the way through, if you haven’t already. I always loved Allen for her off-beat songs (turns out I still know all the words to “Knock ‘Em Out”) so don’t miss the sleeper hits, “Tennis” and “Dallas Major.”

📚 The Merge by Grace Walker: I have been waiting for this book—which reads like a “Black Mirror” episode—to come out since I read the galley months ago and it’s here! Set in the near-future, there’s a procedure that allows people to “merge” their bodies, minds, and memories completely as a way to cheat death. It feels like a godsend to Amelia and her mother Laurie, who has early-onset Alzheimer’s, and sets the stage for a well-constructed emotional thriller.

A few weeks passed between filming my first solo week in the van and watching back the videos and, on the one hand, it was as incredible as I remember. But I had forgotten how tender it was too—dropping off C at the airport and coming to terms with the reality of not only being on my own, but also single; learning how to enjoy my own company; trusting myself to make decisions both big (where to go) and small (what groceries to buy)...

In my mid-twenties, I realized I had never spent 24-hours alone in my life… ever. I took myself to an Airbnb on a farm outside of L.A. and proceeded to listen to podcasts the entire time, effectively avoiding the whole “being alone” thing. Since then, I’ve made a point of learning the art of being solo, which played out in real time over the course of this week.

I really tried to capture the reality of what it felt like, and in watching it, I can almost see myself softening into it. At the start, I’m enduring the solo time, but a few days in I start to really enjoy it. By the end of the week, I was able to fully embrace the beauty of seeing where a day takes me, and genuinely enjoyed the time on my own, so much so that I’ve actively sought it out since then (as I type this, I’m two-days into camping somewhere so isolated I’ve seen one other person). I ended my first solo week feeling so unbelievably grateful to be on this adventure, and amazed at the ways I grew in such a short time.

Read on for details from my first solo week, and the full vlog, which includes:

• The nitty gritty of what each day looked like (!)

• How I took care of myself and leaned into routines, even when everything felt new and foreign to me

• My absolutely least-favorite part of “van life”

• Some unforgettable detours…

Issue #216: I Vlogged My First Week Living in a Van (!)

P.S. In case you missed the vlog of my first week in the van ever, you can watch that here!