Issue #41: How to Make and Maintain Friends as an Adult

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When I moved to Portland in October of 2020, I knew exactly one person beside Jonah—and not particularly well. She and I had been friends as infants, when our moms met at a baby class, and had reconnected at a mutual friend’s wedding the year before. It wasn’t a lot to build on, but I pursued her with the enthusiasm of a playground crush, eager for an ally in my new city. Fall of 2020 was not a great time for making friends, but I felt emboldened by the fact that I’d built a community from scratch before (albeit with less rain, and no pandemic). I barely knew a soul when I moved to New York after college, or L.A. two years later, yet I left both cities with a host of what I believe will be lifelong connections.

Making friends as an adult, without the scaffolding provided by dorms or extracurriculars, can be terrifying. But it’s also important to remember how full of possibility the pursuit is. I still clearly remember a moment that happened shortly after my family moved from Los Angeles to Reno twenty years ago. I had never been the “new kid” in school before and had no idea what to expect, but by the end of that first year, I remember looking at my best friend Elaine and thinking that I couldn’t imagine her not being in my life (still true!). I’ve felt the same way countless times since, even in just the past year-and-a-half in Portland. This week, one of those friends is moving to a new city for the first time. In honor of her adventure, I’m sharing some of the strategies and tips I’ve employed each time I begin again in a new city: