Issue #141: On Treating Friendships Like Romantic Relationships

Thoughts, tips, and recipes for sharing.

💿 ‘All Born Screaming’ Album by St. Vincent: I had this album on in the background, passively holding my attention until the bouncy synth of “Sweetest Fruit” came on and fully captured it. Like a lot of the songs, the album begins low and slow, and builds into rock ballads with teeth.

📚 Real Americans by Rachel Khong: A fresh take on the structure of an intergenerational novel, Khong’s begins in the middle, on the cusp of Y2K when Lily meets Matt, a pharmaceutical heir who whisks her off to Paris. Twenty years later, he’s out of the picture and their teenage son is searching for answers. Our own questions aren’t answered until the final third, when we travel back in time to 1960s China to get Lily’s mother’s side of things. A creative and well-told story that delves into themes around destiny and free will, out today!

🎥 ‘Challengers’ Movie: Between her Vogue cover and finally seeing ‘Dune 2,’ I am firmly in my Zendaya fan girl era (aren’t we all??). In her latest movie, by ‘Call Me By Your Name’ director Luca Guadagnino, she stars as a tennis prodigy/coach at the center of a love triangle. Time jumps back and forth, as the tension grows between the trio with subtle manipulation and games that go beyond the court.

When my first college relationship ended, my best friend sent me a care package from across the country. I opened it on the floor of my dorm room, letting snacks and a coveted essie nail polish tumble out, revealing a card with the note, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” She didn’t need to include the attribution (I’m guessing you already know it too?). We’d memorized the line from slumber parties, devouring discs from my pink velvet complete set of “Sex and the City,” recalling its wisdom in the wake of every high school heartbreak.

Issue #41: How to Make and Maintain Friends as an Adult

The line feels dated for a number of reasons now, but the sentiment—of elevating friendships to the level and respect we normally reserve for romantic love—stuck with me. When my marriage disintegrated, I had to lean on friends hard, in a way I never before had to, since I was always with a partner. They became my “plus one,” the people I texted with exciting or sad news, and who offered shoulders to cry on. In the process, they taught me how to become a better friend, modeling what it means to show up, in big and small ways. I’ve written before about how to make friends as an adult, but today is an ode to the friends we already cherish—with advice on making and keeping deep friendships from

Lilly Dancyger

, a recipe that’s meant to be shared, and six small, but meaningful, ways to show up for your friends: